It took me 2 hours to weed these out from a database, but here are my favorites:
Q: How many kids with ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) does it take to
change a lightbulb?
A: Hey! Do you wanna go ride bikes?
Q: How many Italian-Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's
secretary's sister's next door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop
steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Seargant-of-Arms nephew's
best friend did it real cheap for me once.
Q: How many amoebas does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One. No, 2. No, 4. No, 8. No, 16. No, 32...
Q: How many paranoids does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: JUST EXACTLY DO YOU MEAN BY THAT? HUH? HUH?
Q: How many porn actresses does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Well, it looks like 2 of them are really doing it, but the real answer
is actually none. They're just faking it.
Q: How many mutants does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two thirds.
Q: How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: VE ARE ASKING ZE QVESTIONS HERE!
Q: How many West Virginians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, they don't have Eeelextrisssity in West Virginia.
Q: How many heterosexual males does it take to screw in a light bulb
in San Francisco?
A: Both of them.
Q: How many rednecks does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, one to drive their home to the hardware store and one to buy the
bulb and screw it in.
Q: How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. Frat boys screw in puddles of vomit.
Q: How many Freudians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to hold the ladder and one to change the penis. Oops! I mean,
er, the lightbulb.
Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: How long have you been having this fantasy?
Q: How many monkeys does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to do it and one to scratch his bum.
Q: How many Jewish mothers in law does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to screw it in and two to gossip about it behind her back.
Q: How many Ethiopians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to change it and two to squabble over who gets to eat the
packaging.
Q: How many gay men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Three, one to screw in an Art Deco bulb and two to shriek "Fabulous!"
A: None, they get screwed in the ass instead.
A: Hey, don't let's talk about the lightbulb, honey, let's talk about
the shade!
A: Two. One to change it and one to grow a droopy moustache.
Q: How many lesbians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Sixty-nine.
A: Three. One to screw it in and two to talk about how much better it
is than with a man.
A: Two, one to do it and one to make a video documentary about it.
Q: How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Who cares as long as one of 'em sucks my cock.
A: 11. One to DO IT ALL BY HERSELF!!!! And 10 to form a survivors of darkness
support group!
A: None. It's not the lightbulb that needs changing.
A: Three - one to screw it in and two to talk about the sexual implications.
A: Two. One to threaten that as a mother, she will be unable to provide her
children light without federal assistance; and a N.O.W. attorney to ask
the Justice Department to sue GE for allowing the bulb to go out in the
first place.
A: Three. One to screw it in, and two to file a sexual harrassment
lawsuit on behalf of the bulb.
A: FUCK YOU, ABUSIVE WHITE MALE AGGRESSOR!
Q: How many sexists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Let the bitch cook in the dark.
Q: How many scientists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They use them as controls in double blind trials.
Q: How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: That depends on whether it has health insurance.
Q: How many lexicographers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to change it and one to protest that he should have
changed it to "light bulb".
Q: How many Jehovah's Witnesses does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Don't know -- I didn't let them in to find out.
Q: How many Necrophiliacs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. Necrophiliacs prefer dead bulbs.
Q: How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, one to screw it almost all the way in and the other to
give it a surprising twist at the end.
Q: How many MTV cartoon characters does it take to screw in a lightbulb ?
A: (Butthead) Uuuuuuuuhhhhhh, HOW?
(Beavis) I dunno know. You tell me. Heh-heh. Heh-heh.
(Butthead) I dunno know either you dumb ass. Uhhhh-uh-uh-uh-uh!
(Beavis) Who are you calling dumb ass, butt munch? Heh-heh-heh-heh.
(Butthead) You, asswipe. Huuuuuuh-uh-uh-uh-uh!
(Beavis) Shut up Butthead!
(Butthead) No, you shut up!
(Beavis) Shut up!
(Butthead) Shut up!
(Beavis) Shut up!
(Butthead) No you shut up! And uuuuuh-uuuuuuuh! Answer the damn
question ass munch! Huuuuuuuuh-uh-uh-uh-uh!
(Beavis) Oh, yeah! The question. Ummmmm, Ummmmm, what is the
question, Butthead? Heh-heh. Heh-heh. Heh-heh.
(Butthead) Uuuuuuuh, I dunno know! Huh-uh-uh-uh-uh! I thought you
knew. Huh-uh-uh-uh-uh!
(Beavis) I think I am having a stiffy. Heh-heh. Heh-heh.
(Butthead) Oh, I remember! Huuuuuuuuh-uh-uh-uh-uh! I think it was
like, uh-uh, like how many, uh-uh, like Beavis and
Buttheads, huuuuuuuuuuh-uh-uh-uh-uh, does take to
screw in a, uh-uh, lightbulbs? Uh huh huh huh huh. I said "Screw."
(Beavis): Yeah. Heh heh heh m heh heh. screw. Screw. SCREW!
(Butthead): Settle down, Beavis. Or I'll kick your ass.
Q: How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One.
Q: How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two, the new one and the old one.
Q: How many Cancerians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None: Cancerians would worry themselves to death with the problem.
Q: How many Leos does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None: Leos are so enthusiastic they carry their own light.
Q: How many Capricorns does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: I don't waste my time with these childish jokes.
Q: How many Hobbits does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 1 to complain that the lightbulb isn't working, 5 to hold a meeting
to decide what to do about it, 20 to form an expedition to the fabled
Lightbulb Mines of Mythrill, 30 to throw a going-away party, 1 to ask
Gandalf for directions, 1 to sell into slavery when the directions aren't
stuck to and they end up in entirely the wrong part of the country and
ready cash runs low, 5 who get lost through natural wastage (bandits,
murderers, monsters, etc.), 1 to be thrown to the Dragon that guards the
Lightbulb hoard, 1 to be thrown to the Dragon to cover the retreat, 2 to
carry the box of lightbulbs, 5 to find a large, sword-wielding Barbarian to
escort them home with the lightbulbs, another 30 to throw a safe-return
party, 5 to get rid of the Barbarian, who in typical style got drunk at
the party, 5 to find an Elf in the neighborhood shire tall enough to change the
lightbulb, one Elf, and 5 to compose ballads of derring-do, heroism,
sacrifice and lightbulbs. A grand total of 118.
| 
